Help, Hand, Offer, Despair, DepressionCan you have”friendships” that are killing you? I mean, would you have the sorts of friends that you come away from feeling like you must downplay your accomplishments or talents?
Do you have friends which are overly possessive? Backstabbing? Or, are you one of those sorts of friends? In this guide, I show the top 10 behaviours which are killing your friendships — and what you can do to be a better friend and have healthy friendships.
I do not understand how it works with men, but girls are notoriously catty. Trust me. I grew up with a very jealous and aggressive mother who couldn’t endure for me to shine. In actuality, she is going to be 75 years old in June, and she hates for me to be a confident, self-assured lady because she feels really threatened.
I also grew up with 4 catty sisters whose sole goal in life was to rip me (and every other) down. So I know a thing or two about jealousy.
How to Spot Jealousy at a Buddy
You know your friend is jealous when she behaves passive aggressively by always making comments (put downs) about your boyfriend, your garments, your lifestyle, etc. and you end up needing to downplay your accomplishments and abilities so she won’t get angry or start being aggressive.
Jealousy destroys relationships as you can never be happy for another person.
Advice: If you are the jealous type, ask yourself why you feel less than. Build your self-esteem by doing esteemable items for others and yourself.
If your buddy is the jealous one, have a serious conversation with her. Tell her you want to be supportive, but you can’t and will not be in a friendship that is rife with jealousy.
Incidentally, I don’t speak to my mom anymore – and I will only deal with one of my sisters. Yeah. It was that awful.
With selfish friends, it is always about them. Everything must be on their own terms. If you do not go along with their program, they attempt to make you feel guilty, put you down, etc..
Advice: You might just be dealing with somebody who’s unaware that they are selfish. If that is the case, you want to gently tell your friend how her behavior affects you.
If you are working with a narcissist, you might choose to end the friendship, because it will remain one-sided. They understand your weaknesses, so that they tip about when they want you to do something, knowing you will fall for their manipulation – hook, line and sinker.
Advice: Tell your buddy nicely that you’d love it if she would be direct with you.
I had a friend who constantly put down any other friend I wanted to hang out with because she could not endure for me to be with anybody else. When I needed to include others in actions, she vehemently opposed.
Advice: Smothering somebody –telling them they can not have other friends — is a symptom of fear of jealousy. When it’s you who is behaving possessively, ask yourself why you are so terrified of losing your friend. When it’s your friend who’s possessive, ask her the exact same thing – lightly of course.
Then look for therapy.
Together with the critic, you can’t ever win. At times you can almost win, but necessarily the critic will find something wrong with you or what you did, what you are wearing, etc..
Being around someone who’s overly critical is catastrophic to your mind and your self-worth. Individuals that are overly critical will constantly raise the bar just out of your reach. It’s a no-win circumstance.
The exploder consistently keeps you off balance. It is their way of controlling you. You don’t know what is going to put them off. Walking on eggshells in a relationship isn’t healthy and inhibits the development of both parties.
Advice: Tell your friend to seek anger management, or you are gone.
Everybody gets a twinge of jealousy occasionally. But when it is a constant in your friendship — that is bad. Coveting goes together with jealousy. Nonetheless, it’s a closer cousin to envy. The mentality is”there is not enough to go around, so I want what is yours.”
Advice: Tell your friend you feel her envy and that it is uncomfortable. Tell her when she acts on her covetedness, you may associate with her .
God I hate disloyal folks. Disloyal buddies are the backstabbers. Gossips. They’re the ones that you share a confidence with and then you hear about it on the 6:00 O’clock news. They are the ones that laugh at you once you fall down – rather than helping you up.
Here is the deal. I don’t think people ought to be loyal to a fault. However, you need to be loyal until your friend no more deserves your loyalty.
Liars annoy the hell out of me. You can not trust them. Ever. And you can not have a friendship with no trust.
Advice: Confront your friend for their lies. Tell them that you can’t trust them if they are lying to you all of the time and that confidence is an important, and necessary part of the friendship.
Friendship Killer #10 – Being overly”Busy”
Relationships aren’t one sided. But friendships take time and energy. You have got to decide whether you really need the friendship as it requires an investment.
If your friend is constantly saying she is”busy”, it just means she does not want to be friends anymore.
Advice: I would see how often she tells me she is too busy to hang out before I pull the plug on the friendship.
Conclusion So you wish to be certain that you’re not getting drained by the very men and women that are supposed to be uplifting for you. This advice goes for any kind of relationship.